In My Father's Eyes

 

I came into this world

From somber circumstance

I was a retched soul

Without a fighting chance

But in my Father's eyes

There was beauty in such pain

He said "You've nothing left to lose,

but everything to gain"

As the years drifted by me

I stumbled and I fell

I lost my youth and innocence

I lost my way as well

But in my Father's eyes

I had only just begun

He said "Slow down my child

you must walk before you run"

As I grew to maturity

The chaos was hard to bear

I was plagued by indecision

Still running, but to no where

But in my Father's eyes

He knew my every need

He said "Now take my hand child,

you follow and I'll lead"

I turned my back on faith

I'd lost all sense of hope

My world crumbled around me

Until one day I couldn't cope

But in my Father's eyes

Was a life I couldn't see

He stretched out his loving arms

And he whispered "Come to me"

Yet I felt so unlovable

My life had been so cruel

Had God only created me

To be a pawn or play a fool

But in my Father's eyes

As he reached into my soul

He said "Yes you are broken,

but I will make you whole"

And in my Father's eyes

Was wisdom beyond compare

He knew I'd come to this place

And he'd be waiting there

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Home

 

 

 

I want to go home

Where the pain will end

No more fake smiles

Or play, let's pretend

I want to go back

To when it all began

Erase that blueprint

And make a new plan

I want happiness

And a best friend too

I'd never feel alone

I'd always have you

A house with laughter

And so full of life

Married to a man

Who adored his wife

Our perfect children

Who would never leave

Or love someone else

And cause me to greive

Family reunions

With my sister and brother

And fond memories

Cause we love each other

This life isn't mine

And never will be

I want to go home

Will you go with me

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Pilot

 

(For my brother)

 

Those familiar white lines

As if drawn across the sky

Is one of them yours today

So silently you passed by

 

Taking everyone everywhere

Has it ever crossed your mind

I'm the one that loved you most

I'm the one that you left behind

 

I pray the angels fly with you

And keep you safe day and night

Someday I'll leave this earth behind

I'll be with you then in flight

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Agony

 

There are no simple words

To describe how I feel

And no true emotions

That decipher what is real

As always I am searching

For what I'll never find

Perhaps it is tomorrow

Or something left behind

I retraced every mile

But ended up so far away

I'm cursed for who I am

This is the price I pay

It never made any sense

I don't have a reason why

No heart is left to ache

Or tears left to cry

The screams that I hear

And faces that I see

It's not a nightmare

It dwells inside of me

In my own insane world

Where this agony is fed

I'll survive my existance

And exist until I'm dead

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Kat

 

(I miss you my friend)

 

I hated you on the day you died

For months on end I had cried

Because I loved you so much my friend

And I wasn't there for you in the end

How you hurt when you tied that noose

But I'd have been there to cut it loose

Ironic now as the years passed by

I wear your shoes with a noose to tie

I feel what you had felt that day

This pain so deep, wont go away

I understand, death set you free

Please wait on the other side for me

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Sorrow's Spawn

 

I am sorrow's spawn

 

Birth cry hushed by dawn

 

Spit upon the wall

 

The world watched me fall

 

Beat, I crawled away

 

Yesterday's today

 

Bludgeoning my mind

 

Till truth twisted blind

 

Scarred deep in my chest

 

Poisoned, retched pest

 

Sown hideous seed

 

Slice life, born to bleed

 

Joker sold his pawn

 

I was sorrow's spawn

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Pieces

I know my heart can never break

It was in pieces when I was born

In spite of this, I tried to love

But my welcome sign said "out worn"

The family and friends I once had

So long ago and so far away

Not even one attempted to hear

Not even one intended to stay

I have always known I was flawed

I found those pieces now and then

And all my life I prayed to God

He would put them together again

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Tyler

 

(In memory of)

 

I see the sunshine in your eyes

It only sets when your asleep

I pray all life has to offer

Someday will be yours to keep

I know this prayer was said in vain

I know each day we live a lie

But it's not fate and it's not fair

To watch an innocent child die

I see such courage in your smile

And pride with each step you take

Amazing strength in your will

Yet your fragile enough to break

I'd give my life to save your own

I'd give my soul to find a way

Carry the burden, endure the pain

To always give you one more day

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

I'm Sorry

How do I say I'm sorry

For hurting you this way

I can never take it back

I live with guilt each day

How do I say I'm sorry

Like you, I was deceived

The facts and proof I had

With persuasion, I believed

How do I say I'm sorry

My heart wont let this go

I beg for your forgiviness

Your innocent and now I know

©S. Austin Vincoski

Ghost

There's angels thrashing overhead
Below them lay my body dead
The life I saw as once my own
Is now no more than flesh and bone
The dance of death finally past
I feel my soul emerge at last
My spirit soars, I've been set free
From earthly ties restraining me
Then once again I feel the ground
I see the humans, I make no sound
Longing for peace I lie in wait
A higher power has sealed my fate
The angels left me for the light
I'm merly a shadow, a ghost of night
A chill that you will sometimes feel
My existence you debate as real
Those to whom I may appear
Dread me as their darkest fear
Heaven's deaf unto my cry
While Hell's demons pass me by
No time or place made for my kind
Unsetteled souls life left behind

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Hero

 

 

 

Never knowing from day to day

What pain you would endure

The chaos you called "childhood"

Was lonely, filthy and poor

 

You hid your tears and contempt

Holding your head up high

You said, they may kill my flesh

But my spirit will never die

 

The echo's of "your no damn good"

You've proven them untrue

And one by one those little boy dreams

Became accomplishments to you

 

The man that you've become

With the strength and courage I see

Alone you've taken on the world

And your truly a hero to me

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

In Memory of Michael T. (Snake)

5-13-11

God must have had a purpose

That only you could fulfill

As he took you so swiftly

And yes, against our will

Your smile and your kindness

Were bestowed on everyone

Such a beautiful life

Can never be undone

All you loved and created

In your spirit will remain

The God that took you from us

We pray will ease our pain

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Ust

I was born from dust

Treated with disgust

But did what I must

Own nothin but rust

Ate nothin but crust

Yeah, guilty of lust

Never worth my trust

The world so unjust

My life was a bust

Goin back to dust

©S. Austin Vincoski

Beast

It feels like hades in my heart

As I watch my world fall apart

Reality's just a dream away

Tomorrow never comes today

My soul just wanders to and fro

But knows not where it ought to go

I cannot laugh, I will not weep

The screams don't allow me sleep

My mind is gone and my body numb

Oh what a beast I have become

©S. Austin Vincoski

Our Mother

 

She brought into this world

Two daughters and a son

Before her life had ended

And ours had just begun

 

The longing in our hearts

The tears that we cried

Three devastated lives

On the day our mother died

 

Like little lost souls

Through life we would go

Our mother's loving touch

Never would we know

 

For fate had not a plan

In those lonely years ahead

Spent searching for the answers

To things she left unsaid

 

Destined for a purpose

Each of us has grown

Clinging to a memory

Of a mother we've never known

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Precious Love

 

You called it love

The day we met

I am the one

You can't forget

You'll cherish me

Year after year

Refer to me

As love or dear

I'm in your mind

I'm in your heart

It tortures you

When we're apart

You place your trust

And faith in me

You share my hope

Of what could be

You comfort me

And treat me kind

Help me focus

When I am blind

I'm all you want

I'm all you need

Believe in us

So we succeed

You find no fault

And place no blame

You live no lies

Instill no shame

You give me faith

To quench my soul

If I am weak

You take control

You set me free

And let me live

If I should need

It's yours to give

You are content

I'm satisfied

We dance through life

Your by my side

I'm in a dream

I'm still alone

This precious love

I've never known

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Laugh At Me

 

I still hear their laughter

It echo's in my mind

Just a piece of yesterday

I wish I'd left behind

I've always been their fool

They'll always be my pain

And these feelings from my past

Are driving me insane

If I hide my face to cry

I live on sympathy

And if I stand up strong

There's foolish pride in me

Whenever I forget them

They claim I am unkind

But if I try to please them

The more fault they find

If I try to be myself

There's something that I lack

And if I act like someone else

They laugh behind my back

I'll never be accepted

I've been a fool to try

They've laughed since I was born

They'll laugh until I die

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Don't

Don't expect me to open my heart
When you know it's made of stone
Don't expect me to ever need you
You know I'd rather be alone
Don't expect me to wear a smile
As this face is just a mask
Don't expect me to give you answers
To questions you shouldn't ask
Don't expect me to be so human
For humanity is to blame
Don't expect to ever know me
I'm no one, without a name
Don't expect me to show emotion
Because I'm just numb inside
Don't expect me to live my life
When so long ago I died

©S. Austin Vincoski

Baby

My precious little baby

I love you more than words can say

But as I hold you in my arms

I watch your life just slip away

I have prayed for a miracle

Still, your will to live is gone

Tonight I'll rock you fast asleep

But you'll not awake at dawn

Your tiny little fingers move

The last move they'll ever make

And you breathe a little sigh

The last breath you'll ever take

Oh my precious little baby

You have been so dear to me

Your pain has finally ended

Your life was never meant to be

The tears trickle down my cheek

As I must kiss you goodbye

And this is more than I can bear

To watch my little baby die

These bittersweet memories

Will forever flood my mind

But for a grieving mother

No comfort will I ever find

My precious little angel

Has returned from where she came

The world will never know of her

But for this stone that bears her name

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Happy Birthday

 

Momma it's your birthday soon

Almost the tenth of May

I haven't missed a one of them

Even though you've passed away

I look at faded photographs

Knowing they'll make me cry

You were so young and beautiful

So how could you possibly die

I sit and hold your babydoll

Its the only thing of yours I own

It helps me feel close to you

A longing I've not outgrown

I still read your letters, momma

I've memorized each page

And the telegraph that said you died

At only twenty two years of age

I don't have any memories

I was still just a baby then

But your family told me stories

That I wish I could hear again

Your grave is so far away

So I cant put flowers there

I wish I knew what kind you like

I wish you knew how much I care

Can you miss something you never had

Or love someone you never knew

All I know is it hurts me, momma

And I'll never stop needing you

So here's to another birthday

As the years just come and go

And the only gift I have is love

For the mother I will never know

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Humanity

A refugee in my mother's womb
Tossed into a world of doom
Destiny of tears and pain
The child lost, the scars remain
Humanity, it's twisted grin
One soft touch sucks you in
Kind words with a forked tongue
Preach of love and eat your young
Wisdom is no match for fate
I wallow in your pool of hate
Uttering a silent scream
Possessor of a jaded dream
The suffering will never cease
My battered soul aches for peace
Am I the image of God's intent
Or sins of which there's no repent

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Friend

That's all we've ever known is hard
Walking down life's boulevard
The wrong turns we often made
Leaving scars for prices paid
Hand in hand, our heart as one
Together we would learn to run
We ran until we lost our mind
Chasing dreams we'll never find
So another year passed us by
Leaving us the urge to cry
We wandered roads without a name
Attempting life's feeble game
Mostly lost, but sometimes found
We tread on unfamiliar ground
I felt your presence at my side
Fate appointed you my guide
I'll find a path, you lead the way
We'll stumble through another day
The journey's long and hard I know
But I'm there whichever way you go
We may not ever find the end
My life was traveled with a friend

©S. Austin Vincoski