The Other Me

As I study my reflection
I see a little girl so sad
A grown woman who tried
And a person who's half mad
If only I could reach her
I'd dry her every tear
Tell her I've known her trials
And show her I'm still here
She's staring back at me
As if there's something left to say
We've had this conversation
She just tells me to go away
I'm only a constant reminder
Of who and what she's become
I know her pain and secrets
And where they all came from

©S. Austin Vincoski

To Live By

Have empathy for a stranger

Their a friend you haven't met

Don't grow a hardened heart

Forgive your own regret

Never live beyond your means

Provide enough to share

Gather your loved ones close

May they always know you care

Pay homage to sacrifice

Appreciate that you are free

Strive for better for everyone

Be the change you want to see

©S. Austin Vincoski

A Place For Me

Where there is sunshine

And skies are blue

Where there are rainbows

Colored in every hue

Where my candles glow

Throughout the night

Where the stars will shine

And the moon is bright

Where I drink my tea

And I sip my wine

Where my poems are written

Because I really am fine

Where dreams come true

In spite of fate

Where we are all free

To choose our mate

Where children smile

Are loved and thrive

Where disease is cured

And our loved ones survive

Where unborn babies

Are the human race

Where none are homeless

And home is our place

Where there are no borders

Or any walls or war

Where we all have our share

And no one is poor

Where generations unite

Both senior and youth

Where the powers that be

Speak only the truth

Where there is no bias

And the world is at peace

Where our earth is beautiful

And extinction will cease

Where there is a place for me

This is where I should be

©S. Austin Vincoski

Released

Casting my lots while terminally alone
Mourning my now disillusioned throne
Fate had deemed me a families disgrace
Oh, how I long to punch God in the face
Chaotic silence is engulfing me
Released is all I could now wish to be
So six chambers are methodically full
With a metal trigger that begs me to pull

©S. Austin Vincoski

Bonds

More people have gone

Than those that remain

Some treated me well

And some with disdain

A few were my friends

Or unrecognized foe

Many had been family

Once I had thought so

There's those that I loved

And those I would hate

The ones I gave up on

Or long for and wait

Bonds that aren't broken

I have a handful today

Even tattered and frayed

At the edges are they

©S. Austin Vincoski

Dead End

I thought I was truly in love

But in time it rotted away

I felt happiness for awhile

But it chose not to stay

I tried to be gracious

But you began to steal

I once had big dreams

But proved to be unreal

I had seen that I was pretty

But then you spit in my face

I vowed I would be someone

But found I had no place

I searched for my niche in life

But chaos was a talent instead

I trudged on with all my will

But my roads end is now dead

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Words

"Your no damn good"
Their last words spoken
Held close to my heart
Like a trinket or token

Those words had echoed
They cut to the core
And racked my soul
Until "good" was no more

I'm no damn good
They had been right
I believe you now
As I clutch your words tight

©S. Austin Vincoski

Our Story

 

 

 

Her long gray hair

Neatly wound in a bun

A house dress and apron

Frying eggs for her son

His shiny black shoes

From his Navy days

Olive green trousers

Hard set in his ways

Her ever stern look

Toasting homemade bread

I was a small child

In my rollaway bed

His hair slicked back

And Old Spice cologne

She came to his aide

He had kids of his own

My brother and sister

At school for the day

I recall the details

In a little girl way

This was a façade

She never meant well

He always complied

They made your life hell

She protected me

I can't reason why

Until she left us

Good riddance, goodbye

I learned your secret

I endured your pain

Becoming a victim

Of terrors that reign

Our childhood story

I shared it with you

But each has emerged

With their version true

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Ugly Seasons

Somber, insulent thoughts of you

 

Forsaken words in ire rang true

 

Plotting my demerit back then

 

I'll not be modest or humble again

 

A deluge of hate tainted tears

 

Grieved with fury through the years

 

Bruised with my gaunt ego impaired

 

Now I scheme this misery be shared

 

Your worthy to relish in this shame

 

Indignant, it's you I still blame

 

Cherishing this grudge I've found

 

The vulgarity will keep us bound

 

Fraudulent, you preyed upon me

 

Exploited for all the world to see

 

Ruthless now, I'll take my turn

 

To slaughter your every wish or yearn

 

Is my iniquity an heirloom, old

 

Or atrocity of a conscience, cold

 

Insults thrust at my back and face

 

This your last infamous disgrace

 

For a "Lynch Law" I'll gladly bestow

 

With my sordid score card all aglow

 

Your lies evoked the beast I am

 

It's my right to bedevil and damn

 

Attacks thwarted time after time

 

Berating every fallible crime

 

So corrupt is the index of reasons

 

That all is naught for ugly seasons

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Dear

Must I pretend all is well

Watching my Dear go to hell

Tick tock goes the clock

Soon the bells will toll

It took you slowly bit by bit

My Dear, it has your soul

 

Around, around and around

Spinning without a sound

Ties that bind are blind

The web of knots grew tight

You must resist my Dear

It devours you tonight

 

A cumbersome life you lead

Keeping those demons fed

Bells rang, but evil sang                                              

That old familiar tune

You knew the words by heart

My Dear, you left so soon

 

©S. Austin Vincoski                        

Won't Can't Don't

I can't live

If I live a lie

I won't accept

To never try

I don't smile

Creating strife

I won't judge

Another's life

I don't envy

What isn't mine

I can't hate

Or cross that line

I won't mock

Inflicting shame

I don't accuse

And falsly blame

I won't watch

Someone in need

I can't ignore

What I can feed

I don't thrive

On others pain

I won't cheat

For my own gain

I can't deny

To do what's right

I won't be bitter

Condemn or spite

I won't act haughty

Gossip or boast

I don't believe

I'm better than most

I won't deny

I'm saved by grace

And it is God

Who I must face

My heart is changed

And forevermore

I won't, can't , don't

Do what I did before

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Let Go

 

If the words they speak pain you

Then you need to let go

If the deeds they do drain you

Then you need to let go

If you feel that they mistreat you

Then you need to let go

If you know that they defeat you

Then you need to let go

If there's no love returned to you

Then you need to let go

If there's rules to be learned by you

Then you need to let go

If they pretend all is well to you

Then you need to let go

If they say "not to tell" to you
Then you need to let go
Don't wait until damage is done
Go now, while you can still run

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 



2nd Class

 

May dreams be small or not at all

 

For finer things weren't meant for you

 

Must speak slow with head held low

 

Just as they expect you'll do

 

You shall never cry or breathe a sigh

 

Lest you appear fragile or weak

 

And whenever used or badly abused

 

Take it and turn the other cheek

 

Remember your place and your disgrace

 

Perhaps enduring won't be so bad

 

Don't ever be strong as this is wrong

 

I promise you'll wish you never had

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Us

 

A long distance call

Our apartment was small

Kisses in the rain

The first labor pain

A girl then a boy

Both brought us joy

You opened up a beer

I didn't want you near

Your not who you were

Our life now unsure

God knows I tried

A million tears cried

I gave you a choice

You ignored my voice

In your drunken state

You showed only hate

Nothing left to try

Time to say goodbye

The kids stayed with me

But now you were free

Soon you found another

She became a mother

You threw the beer away

The man I loved today

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

All Of This

 

Still darkness

The abyss

Holy hell

All of this

 

A white noise

Words amiss

Hush, silence

All of this

 

Aching mind

Demons bliss

Tortured soul

All of this

 

Tarnished dream

Failure's kiss

Decayed hope

All of this

 

Bleeding out

Brute justice

Torn, splintered

All of this

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Hate

 

When does love die

When does hate grow

I have asked why

Still, I don't know

 

I've been adored

I've been betrayed

How to turn back

Or let it fade

 

Hate is for real

Love can't pretend

Some wounds don't heal

Some hearts won't mend

 

Time and more time

The pain and tears

Losing myself

On wasted years

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Prey

 

Always the hunted

Treated as prey

Setting your traps

I can't get away

 

You plan a scheme

Map out a plot

Hiding your snares

Until I am caught

 

My role is a victim

And courage I lack

Cowardly scented

Crudly you attack

 

Continually baited

So trusting and meek

I'm game and a game

My suffering you seek

 

To wound, but not kill

Sustained, I'm not free

Gutted, yet once again

It's open season on me

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Why

 

They call it life

 

I don't know why

 

When everything

 

Will have to die

 

Not always death

 

But it will leave

 

If ever you love

 

Surely you'll greive

 

Parent, sibling

 

Child or friend

 

Spouse, even pet

 

It all will end

 

Whatever you love

 

Hold dear or cherish

 

That is chosen

 

Soon to perish

 

Life is a liar

 

Do what you will

 

Doesn't matter

 

It has the skill

 

You can't fight it

 

Don't try to run

 

Just wait then watch

 

It come undone

 

Not a single shred

 

To say goodbye

 

They call it life

 

I don't know why

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Unconditional

 

Pull me from my dark thoughts

 

Infuse me with your light

 

My world is self destructing

 

Is your creation not a blight

 

People are less than human

 

Society as a whole

 

Devoid of any conscience

 

Yet you accept every soul

 

Must I dwell among them

 

Love thy brother as you say

 

Fraught with frustration

 

Continually pushed away

 

Difficult to comprehend

 

Forgiviness instead of shame

 

Loving us unconditionally

 

Each individual the same

 

Please grant me this wisdom

 

For knowing them as you do

 

And strengthen my resolve

 

To love unconditional too

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Before I Go

 

How I long to run freely with the wind at my back

 

Climb that mountain until the peak bears my track

 

 Slumber in a field with warm sunshine on my face

 

Every star in the night sky, my fingers would trace

 

Swim in the ocean upon those never ending waves

 

Explore a wilderness filled with caverns and caves

 

Tread along a beach plucking shells from the sand

 

Find the end of a rainbow in the palm of my hand

 

Dance in the rain while all the wild flowers grow

 

Yell my loudest in a canyon and wait for the echo

 

Carefree as a child chasing after yellow butterflies

 

Find that "once in a blue moon" and a pink sunrise

 

See a place on planet earth since before time began

 

Before I go my dream will become reality, my plan

 

©S. Austin Vincoski