Ugly Seasons

Somber, insulent thoughts of you

 

Forsaken words in ire rang true

 

Plotting my demerit back then

 

I'll not be modest or humble again

 

A deluge of hate tainted tears

 

Grieved with fury through the years

 

Bruised with my gaunt ego impaired

 

Now I scheme this misery be shared

 

Your worthy to relish in this shame

 

Indignant, it's you I still blame

 

Cherishing this grudge I've found

 

The vulgarity will keep us bound

 

Fraudulent, you preyed upon me

 

Exploited for all the world to see

 

Ruthless now, I'll take my turn

 

To slaughter your every wish or yearn

 

Is my iniquity an heirloom, old

 

Or atrocity of a conscience, cold

 

Insults thrust at my back and face

 

This your last infamous disgrace

 

For a "Lynch Law" I'll gladly bestow

 

With my sordid score card all aglow

 

Your lies evoked the beast I am

 

It's my right to bedevil and damn

 

Attacks thwarted time after time

 

Berating every fallible crime

 

So corrupt is the index of reasons

 

That all is naught for ugly seasons

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Dear

Must I pretend all is well

Watching my Dear go to hell

Tick tock goes the clock

Soon the bells will toll

It took you slowly bit by bit

My Dear, it has your soul

 

Around, around and around

Spinning without a sound

Ties that bind are blind

The web of knots grew tight

You must resist my Dear

It devours you tonight

 

A cumbersome life you lead

Keeping those demons fed

Bells rang, but evil sang                                              

That old familiar tune

You knew the words by heart

My Dear, you left so soon

 

©S. Austin Vincoski                        

Won't Can't Don't

I can't live

If I live a lie

I won't accept

To never try

I don't smile

Creating strife

I won't judge

Another's life

I don't envy

What isn't mine

I can't hate

Or cross that line

I won't mock

Inflicting shame

I don't accuse

And falsly blame

I won't watch

Someone in need

I can't ignore

What I can feed

I don't thrive

On others pain

I won't cheat

For my own gain

I can't deny

To do what's right

I won't be bitter

Condemn or spite

I won't act haughty

Gossip or boast

I don't believe

I'm better than most

I won't deny

I'm saved by grace

And it is God

Who I must face

My heart is changed

And forevermore

I won't, can't , don't

Do what I did before

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Let Go

 

If the words they speak pain you

Then you need to let go

If the deeds they do drain you

Then you need to let go

If you feel that they mistreat you

Then you need to let go

If you know that they defeat you

Then you need to let go

If there's no love returned to you

Then you need to let go

If there's rules to be learned by you

Then you need to let go

If they pretend all is well to you

Then you need to let go

If they say "not to tell" to you
Then you need to let go
Don't wait until damage is done
Go now, while you can still run

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 



2nd Class

 

May dreams be small or not at all

 

For finer things weren't meant for you

 

Must speak slow with head held low

 

Just as they expect you'll do

 

You shall never cry or breathe a sigh

 

Lest you appear fragile or weak

 

And whenever used or badly abused

 

Take it and turn the other cheek

 

Remember your place and your disgrace

 

Perhaps enduring won't be so bad

 

Don't ever be strong as this is wrong

 

I promise you'll wish you never had

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Us

 

A long distance call

Our apartment was small

Kisses in the rain

The first labor pain

A girl then a boy

Both brought us joy

You opened up a beer

I didn't want you near

Your not who you were

Our life now unsure

God knows I tried

A million tears cried

I gave you a choice

You ignored my voice

In your drunken state

You showed only hate

Nothing left to try

Time to say goodbye

The kids stayed with me

But now you were free

Soon you found another

She became a mother

You threw the beer away

The man I loved today

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

All Of This

 

Still darkness

The abyss

Holy hell

All of this

 

A white noise

Words amiss

Hush, silence

All of this

 

Aching mind

Demons bliss

Tortured soul

All of this

 

Tarnished dream

Failure's kiss

Decayed hope

All of this

 

Bleeding out

Brute justice

Torn, splintered

All of this

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Hate

 

When does love die

When does hate grow

I have asked why

Still, I don't know

 

I've been adored

I've been betrayed

How to turn back

Or let it fade

 

Hate is for real

Love can't pretend

Some wounds don't heal

Some hearts won't mend

 

Time and more time

The pain and tears

Losing myself

On wasted years

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Prey

 

Always the hunted

Treated as prey

Setting your traps

I can't get away

 

You plan a scheme

Map out a plot

Hiding your snares

Until I am caught

 

My role is a victim

And courage I lack

Cowardly scented

Crudly you attack

 

Continually baited

So trusting and meek

I'm game and a game

My suffering you seek

 

To wound, but not kill

Sustained, I'm not free

Gutted, yet once again

It's open season on me

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Why

 

They call it life

 

I don't know why

 

When everything

 

Will have to die

 

Not always death

 

But it will leave

 

If ever you love

 

Surely you'll greive

 

Parent, sibling

 

Child or friend

 

Spouse, even pet

 

It all will end

 

Whatever you love

 

Hold dear or cherish

 

That is chosen

 

Soon to perish

 

Life is a liar

 

Do what you will

 

Doesn't matter

 

It has the skill

 

You can't fight it

 

Don't try to run

 

Just wait then watch

 

It come undone

 

Not a single shred

 

To say goodbye

 

They call it life

 

I don't know why

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Unconditional

 

Pull me from my dark thoughts

 

Infuse me with your light

 

My world is self destructing

 

Is your creation not a blight

 

People are less than human

 

Society as a whole

 

Devoid of any conscience

 

Yet you accept every soul

 

Must I dwell among them

 

Love thy brother as you say

 

Fraught with frustration

 

Continually pushed away

 

Difficult to comprehend

 

Forgiviness instead of shame

 

Loving us unconditionally

 

Each individual the same

 

Please grant me this wisdom

 

For knowing them as you do

 

And strengthen my resolve

 

To love unconditional too

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Before I Go

 

How I long to run freely with the wind at my back

 

Climb that mountain until the peak bears my track

 

 Slumber in a field with warm sunshine on my face

 

Every star in the night sky, my fingers would trace

 

Swim in the ocean upon those never ending waves

 

Explore a wilderness filled with caverns and caves

 

Tread along a beach plucking shells from the sand

 

Find the end of a rainbow in the palm of my hand

 

Dance in the rain while all the wild flowers grow

 

Yell my loudest in a canyon and wait for the echo

 

Carefree as a child chasing after yellow butterflies

 

Find that "once in a blue moon" and a pink sunrise

 

See a place on planet earth since before time began

 

Before I go my dream will become reality, my plan

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

My Box

 

Monsters couldn't phase me

 

Thunderstorms never did

 

I will hide inside my box

 

Like when I was just a kid

 

I have my tattered blanket

 

And old white grungy bear

 

You think this is ridiculous

 

But, I really don't give a care

 

If the wind howls at night

 

I think I like that the best

 

Curled up inside of my box

 

I will build a blanket nest

 

At times I don't like people

 

So straight to my box I go

 

It's quiet and it's safe there

 

And no one will ever know

 

Life can be very mean to me

 

But, I have a place I can cry

 

My box is always waiting

 

And yesterday's tears are dry

 

My home away from home

 

Is my little box on this earth

 

You think it's only cardboard

 

You'll never know it's worth

 

They come in everyones size

 

And best of all there free too

 

So if you need a box like me

 

There's one out there for you

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Maybe

 

You walked beside me and took my hand

I was to niave then to understand

You chased me down until I was caught

Then what you wanted, I knew I was not

The grass always greener in other places

Those skinnier girls with prettier faces

So deep down in my heart I hid you away

Hoping that I'd be good enough someday

I'd see you every great once in awhile

"Hey darlin!" a hug with a familiar smile

You found it easy to keep leading me on

Leaving me a fool each time you'd gone

I'm wiser now and I grew a thicker skin

And not for a second would I let you in

A boy like you destroys a girl like me

I won't be yours or anybody's "maybe".

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Train

I reach somewhere beyond myself
In search of something more
I find distortion and worldliness
And all that I most abhor
A friend with mute intentions
A soulmate without a soul
So I'm waiting on the train
I've already paid the toll
Some children blessed with love
Some children cursed and cry
Myself, I was eleven years old
When that train first passed by
Ingesting a bottle of Dristan
And unconscious for three days
Slowly I began to wake up
In some very disturbing ways
If your presence won't affect them
Then your absence never will
Succomb to them or myself
To be killed or else to kill
Fascinated with those tracks
Representing a trip to peace
That's all I ever really craved
Was this insane chaos to cease
It's been such a very cold world
When you can see beyond it all
Your illusion is that your living
Then you hear that whistle call
I've seen that train many times
In the years that came and went
I've never stopped asking myself
Was it summoned or was it sent

©S. Austin Vincoski

Little Hearts

Such tiny little hearts
Lay broken on the ground
Each fell into pieces
A wind had tossed around

Such tiny little hearts
Couldn't bear such a pain
Not knowing what would come
Maybe sunshine, maybe rain

Such tiny little hearts
Each fragile in it's right
Didn't understand a nature
Should they flee or should they fight

Such tiny little hearts
Found a piece one by one
Determined as they were
A shelter had now begun

Such tiny little hearts
Once put back together
Recogenized the storms
And then learned to weather                           

©S. Austin Vincoski