Daddy

 

I never thought I could write this word upon a page

 

When the mere memory of you filled me with rage

 

But somehow Daddy, I think I finally understand

 

What you couldn't tolerate was thrust into your hand

 

And now that I consider your very ill state of mind

 

A way out of your mess is all you ever longed to find

 

I was never more than an ugly inconvenience to you

 

Taking care of yourself is all you could possibly do

 

So I've chosen to forgive your inflicted living hell

 

The past long behind me and sins committed as well

 

You denied my existence as your life came to an end

 

I forgive you, I've reconciled, now it's a prayer I send

 

Praying that wherever you may spend your eternity

 

You'll not ever suffer torment as you tormented me

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

"Were"

 

The things I thought a concrete "were"

 

I've now found I'm not really sure

 

Does the winter come to make all anew

 

As if nature suffers it will make it through

 

Are tests and trials for our own sake

 

To confirm somehow that we won't break

 

With no capacity to love in return

 

When new life emerges love it must learn

 

Our beloved ones someday will die

 

Is it our uncertainty that makes us cry

 

Those people who enter then exit our days

 

Discerning who's pure from he who preys

 

On our blue planet I'm a grain of sand

 

In my trivial state was there a demand

 

Why harbor such a horrible memory

 

Where's our strength to let it go free

 

How some heal and then how some fade

 

Could it be our will or how we are made

 

True is now false and false is now true

 

And so is the "were" I thought I knew

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Backslide

 

 

 

I ran away while cutting the cord

 

So many rules and I was bored

 

All the worldly things I craved

 

Being deprived meant being saved

 

I need a life with freedom to live

 

Not love, obey, repent and forgive

 

Once I found myself in society

 

All I had wanted came so easily

 

The glamerous life had me in awe

 

With what I heard, felt and saw

 

Then one day my world came undone

 

Freedom wasn't free nor was it fun

 

Lessons worth learning cause pain

 

To make life worth living, obstain

 

I'm alone here battered and bruised

 

Not a single part of me wasn't used

 

Let my last breath be my last prayer

 

Dear Lord, I can't survive out there

 

I'm not worthy, but I'm on my knees

 

I need your love and begging please

 

Then I heard the whisper I once knew

 

Oh child, I never stopped loving you

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Zombie

I'm half alive and yet I'm half dead

No consciousness lurks inside my head

These eyes lack any vision or clarity

These ears hear silence engulfing me

Body movements are now automated

No suicidal thoughts left contemplated

All my life force and free will disposed

No pleasure or painful emotions imposed

Awake and asleep exist one in the same

Identity absent, I will respond to a name

Ethics won't allow you to lock me away

So locked up inside myself I must stay

©S. Austin Vincoski

Weeds

 

My garden has many weeds

 

It's the one thing I can grow

 

Yes, I blame myself for this

 

You only reap what you sow

 

I didn't say that I didn't try

 

Giving what I had every day

 

The rest fell from my hand

 

Then planted where it may

 

Underground roots run deep

 

It's memories make me bleed

 

For I could not distinguish

 

A lovely flower or evil weed

 

©S. Austin Vincoski