Wall Of Shame

I put the writing on my bedroom wall

It's big enough for all of you to read

Not even one of you will take the time

Because everyone of you knew my need

 

Please, please don't ever abandon me

That's all I had asked of any of you

Then you all turned so horribly mean

So I left just like you expected me to

 

All the others I thought were my friends

One by one I watched you walk away

You pretend you don't know me anymore

All those years, you have nothing to say

 

You treated me like this was all my fault

Though you never knew my body or mind

I begged, I pleaded, I poured out my heart

In the end, in your way, you left me behind

 

It's all there written on my bedroom wall

I have described each part and who I blame

You'll call me crazy because I wrote it

But I chose to call it "your wall of shame"

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

This Tale

Razor blades in my apple pie

 

Dandelions cover my yard

 

The looser in first place, I am

 

God mailed me a sympathy card

 

Eating the flies on the window

 

Squirting super glue in my shoes

 

Playing hide and seek all alone

 

My can is all bolts and no screws

 

Bricks weigh my life jacket down

 

Noodle necklaces always break

 

I collect "fallout shelter" signs

 

Draino works if my head will ache

 

I was born at the "lost and found"

 

It's fiftyfour carved exes for me

 

Planting all my pennies in the dirt

 

Didn't never grow no money tree

 

Lived, is devil only backwards

 

Santa and fairytales aren't real

 

Paranoia is for your protection

 

She caught me with a potato peel

 

I had a sister and a brother once

 

Wal Mart has UFO's now for sale

 

The leather belts an wooden spoons

 

Please, try to understand this tale

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



When I Return To Heaven

When I return to heaven

 

Jesus will welcome me

 

He'll say "you are home"

 

For all of eternity

 

 

 

He'll hold me like a babe

 

Show me every tear I cried

 

Unravel my life's mystery

 

From my birth until I died

 

 

 

He knows how I love him

 

And his death not in vain

 

From this moment in time

 

No former things remain

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Stronger

 The tower fell

 

Pieces scattered

 

Must not dwell

 

Find what mattered

 

 

 

Search the rubble

 

Until you've found

 

Through this trouble

 

A piece of ground

 

 

 

Lay the beam

 

Gather the stone

 

Rebuild the dream

 

Make it your own

 

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

The Way It Is

You have no right treating people this way

Think a minute, this might be you someday

Do this, do that, now go and wait over there

Read all these forms, sit down in that chair

This is the wrong form, go stand in the line

Here's a clipboard, now make sure you sign

Bring the documents and proof of income

We'll mail the results after you pay this sum

That's not on sale it was on the wrong rack

This coupon's invalid, there's no cash back

This warranty will no longer cover this part

There is no date for your coverage to start

It's a mandatory tax on this withholding fee

Each time I'm on hold, you disconnect me

Your timing and quota have never been met

So this signed agreement incurred this debt

Download a manual for further instructions

My entire raise went to payroll deductions

My credit was declined for inadequate use

You denied my voucher from others abuse

This medical insurance won't cover this test

A discount of two percent, you pay the rest

That's the way it is, they don't seem to care

Who is there to fight just to make it all fair

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Depression

Time to take another pill

A piece of me floats away

I'm not quite numb though

Yes, I still have alot to say

 

Depression is a nightmare

Of which you cannot wake

Like a demon, it possesses

There's little it won't take

 

It sneaks up inside of you

Stealing all that you were

Ability to function is gone

Your former life is a blur

 

It laughs and it mocks you

Degrades you with shame

All that you once used to be

Now will never be the same

 

You must reach out for help

They convince you your ill

Depression is your disease

The cure is to take this pill

 

The doctor added one more

You don't feel any better yet

Side effects have just begun

How easy this stage was set

 

Let us try a brand new drug

You don't feel undepressed

However, you are so relaxed

Finally, your mind can rest

 

It's so easy giving into them

They have complete control

In order to quiet this demon

They will take over your soul

 

Slipping in one more tiny pill

It can't matter if you don't care

Total numbness awaiting you

In fact, your so close to there

 

They have claimed the victory

You have succumbed to numb

Killing the part of your brain

Emotions or demons are from

 

If you'd fought this by yourself

The battle waging in your head

Would the outcome be different

Either way, you'd still be dead

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

   

 

 

 

 

 



Long Ago

Your long ago and so far away

But these tears are still from you

Tonight I'm sitting here all alone

And I wonder if your lonely too

 

You know you stole a part of me

That had never been yours to take

I loved you and then I hated you

Not only my heart would break

 

Why couldn't I be all you wanted

So quickly you left and moved on

Did you even know what love was

You and a part of me were gone

 

Did you learn of love and find it

Or just repeat what you had done

I wish my mind would erase you

But your there as I look at my son

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



My Child

My body created your life

And dear God I loved you so

I brought you into this world

This miracle I would know

So softly I spoke your name

And caressed your tiny face

Laying you across my chest

You recogenized this place

Our hearts had beat together

I drank in the scent of you

Learning to discern your cry

I did all that mommies do

These days it's me who cries

Each a lonely, yearning tear

Cherishing thought's of you

While you forgot I am here

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

A Crack In Heaven

 

From a crack in heaven

 

Our souls slipped thru

 

The angel's let us fall

 

God, we cried for you

 

Swirling in this circle

 

No place found to stay

 

All searching for home

 

God, your so far away

 

I saw your book of life

 

Our page perfectly clear

 

No lives for us written

 

Souls abandoned here

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



My Side Of The Story

Labeled a stray and not heaven sent

Cowering inside your locked cage

Eight appeared with cruel intent

Nine, their leader, instigated rage

A family curse and carnage's bain

In your way, you each took a turn

Laughing, you minimized my pain

Screaming until my lungs would burn

Your perfect offspring breathed a sigh

Labeled me poison and all ran away

Society also turned their blind eye

Stepping over me silently as I lay

Maternal dead and paternal pretend

The other three relieved I was gone

Knowing the story, no matter the end

Their only blood, but all carried on

Siblings abused and practiced skill

Empty, I'm not anyone's anything

Dragging my life behind me uphill

Devoid of use, it's memories I bring

Craving a feeling so foreign to me

Love, a language I'd never heard

Horrendous acts committed to see

If I could hear that one sacred word

Love, three times found it's place

Inspired, I could nurture my own

Seeking freedom, all spit in my face

The world called, they were grown

Each found a future and their mate

Denied a part in the families they are

Longing imbued this fragile state

Seeing and feeling, always from afar

Empowering what is right and good

Validates from that moment of birth

Expected to be the person I should

As everyone stole my sense of worth

Abandoned, silence wrapped in chaos

Righteous with no regret displayed

Summed the total and all is a loss

They won as "unlovable" was made

Nightmares haunt the light of day

Tears soak the pillow when it's night

I run from myself and nowhere to stay

My side of the story, an endless plight

 

©S. Austin Vincoski 

 

 



Mad

We'd always been so close

Together through so much

So I cried while you packed

You said you'd be in touch

 

I believed what you told me

As we had never been apart

But on the day that you left

I just knew deep in my heart

 

Things had changed for us

It would never be the same

You left me so far behind

And even forgot my name

 

The ties that would bind us

Are broken now for good

There is no turning back

No, not even if we could

 

You have a wonderful life

With things you'd never had

I to,  should be moving on

But I'm still so f_____g mad

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

the date

 

i painted my nails

both fingers and toes

plucked my eyebrows

practiced my pose

my make up perfect

no hair out of place

i hope i am pretty

if he see's my face

my favorite dress

and this jewelry too

a squirt of perfume

i am ready for you

the candles are lit

the music will play

i wrote him a note

i chose it this way

the wine is lovely

pills cover my bed

so mister coroner

pronounce me dead

 

©S. Austin Vincoski