The Cutter

 

I have a story

 

I need to tell

 

Please don't judge

 

I am not well

 

I cry for help

 

No one listens

 

Now see my blood

 

How it glistens

 

I cut, I slice

 

All for release

 

Inflicting pain

 

Brings me a peace

 

My unseen hurt

 

Will cut, will slice

 

Scarred inside me

 

I pay this price

 

Think me crazy

 

Or call me weak

 

My one thick skin

 

A healing streak

 

This razor friend

 

I crave, I need

 

To slash my flesh

 

And feel it bleed

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Free Fall

In free fall

 

On my back

 

Gently float

 

Mist of black

 

Tiny sparks

 

Memories

 

Gust of wind

 

Tragedies

 

Sense of self

 

Slips away

 

Shed this skin

 

Dust and clay

 

A cold sweat

 

Agonized

 

Peaceful bliss

 

Realized

 

It calls out

 

My name known

 

Who am I

 

Bad seed sown

 

Then it sings

 

Angels choir

 

Still I fall

 

Though higher

 

Embraced fate

 

Fathomed fear

 

Clinging faith

 

Landing near

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

The Fight

Remember dreading the schoolbell

It always rang right at three

A kid was waiting to beat you up

You had to vomit, you had to pee

Sneaking out of a side door

You ran till you were out of sight

But you had to go back tomorrow

And face being scared to fight

They taunted and they teased

Until you couldn't take anymore

You punched the kid in the nose

And he fell flat on the floor

Some blood was on your knuckles

For an instant you felt proud

Then standing right behind you

Was the teacher and a crowd

Marched to the principles office

To confess what you had done

When he called your mom and dad

You knew the fight wasn't won

Slowely you dragged your feet home

Knowing you were already dead

You finally stuck up for yourself

But you got punished instead

©S. Austin Vincoski

Inner Child

I reconciled

My inner child

She had to know

It's time to go

We both agreed

We had a need

We both regret

Was never met

Bad was done

Nobody won

Wiped her tears

Calmed her fears

Held her tight

Through the night

Morning came

Not the same

A scar on me

I set her free

Time to heal

Make it real

No more past

Today at last

Pent up pain

Has no gain

A silent voice

Had no choice

I found mine

My child is fine

©S. Austin Vincoski

Prisoner

I felt your knife twist in my spine

As all the blame and fault were mine

Circumstance was a dead end road

I learned then to carry the load

 

The tears, the scars, the bloody stain

What is life to endure such pain

 

The shackles I wore for many a year

Controlled me by instilling fear

Accusations, invented, compiled

Yet I loved you whenever you smiled

 

The tears, the scars, the bloody stain

What is life to endure such pain

 

Inside my own body so long ago dead

A thought flashes, why haven't I fled

The whip cracks and I move for you

Another welt, theres more to do

 

The tears, the scars, the bloody stain

What is life to endure such pain

 

Deceive my mind, splinter each bone

Nothings left to call my own

Blinded by abuse, I cannot see

I don't know what you did with me

 

The tears, the scars, the bloody stain

What is life to endure such pain

 

( For all the victims of domestic abuse )

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Threads

I can't repair my shredded dream

 

Yet I'm woven into it's ragged seam

 

Those I love, those I've known

 

Into the fabric each was sewn

 

Miles, no bonds, a bare thread

 

Entangle now memories I dread

 

Each remained, but for their season

 

Each departed without any reason

 

Cut it loose, fall where they may

 

Burn the cloth of my yesterday

 

To dull to believe it would end

 

I denied reality and chose pretend

 

©S Austin Vincoski

A Love Letter From God

I want to be the ray of sunshine

 

That makes your heart feel warm

 

I want to send a gentle breeze

 

Of calm during life's storm

 

I want to fill up that emptiness

 

You've held this void far to long

 

I want to bestow you my wisdom

 

When right still feels so wrong

 

I want to be in that melody

 

Ever running through your head

 

I want to show you new meaning

 

When doing those tasks you dread

 

I want it to be my strong hand

 

That wipes your every weak tear

 

I want to infuse you with courage

 

When I know your filled with fear

 

I want to be your one true love

 

That may never bring you despair

 

I want to feed your soul with truth

 

Unconditionally, I will be there

 

I want you to please, confide in me

 

On that long and sleepless night

 

I want to bless and reassure you

 

That my love is perfect and right

 

I want you to dwell in my paradise

 

And for all of eternity too

 

I want you to know what I've known

 

I have always been in love with you

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

When I Was Nine

 

I have brown hair and freckles on my face

 

I have blue eyes so big they look out of place

 

I am scrawny and have knobby knees too

 

I love art class, the playground and petting zoo

 

I don't understand all of the things I see

 

I just know that I don't want to be me

 

I hold my candle angel tight and I pray

 

I beg God over and over, make it go away

 

I was told once that my mother is dead

 

I heard people say my Daddy's sick in the head

 

I watched them pack up all my Grandma's stuff

 

I remember she yelled "I've had enough!"

 

I don't know what the reasons all were

 

I cry like a baby cause I'm missing her

 

I found her sweater on the back of a door

 

I smell it until it won't smell anymore

 

I am home alone and the youngest child

 

I watch my brother and my sister run wild

 

I hide in my closet whenever I am scared

 

I hid the whole day, but nobody cared

 

I got beat with the belt today, I am nine

 

I know these welts and bruises are all mine

 

I never get to eat good meals like before

 

I don't know why Daddy won't go to the store

 

I got mad when Santa didn't come this year

 

I guess cause there wasn't a Christmas tree here

 

I know more than nine years should know

 

I don't know things to be on my own though

 

I can already tell when grown ups are lying

 

I sneak around them and I keep on spying

 

I don't like the summer cause it's not so fun

 

I heard Daddy's dumping me off to someone

 

I hope it's the farm with the kitten's in the hay

 

I don't like the games some other families play

 

I hate it when grown ups fake being all nice

 

I hear honey and sweetie and sugar and spice

 

I am very shy and I just don't wan't to talk

 

I watch the other kids stand there and gawk

 

I hear them saying "The baby can't speak"

 

I watch them run off and screaming "Freak!"

 

I get free lunches when I go back to school

 

I try my best and I follow every single rule

 

I learned how to clean and sew a button on

 

I can do laundry now and I rake the lawn

 

I teach myself all of the new things I learn

 

I still don't know how to make toast not burn

 

I am having my birthday soon and turn ten

 

I hope I will be a lot more grown up by then

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Your Vow?

 

This is not what I signed up for

It's not what I thought we'd be

You live your life inside our home

While that piece of furniture is me

Supposed to be my happy ending

Quickly turned to another hell

Tears ever streaming down my face

You don't look at me, you can't tell

My side of the bed grew lonely

So I found myself another space

Not once did you even ask me why

Now I know it never was my place

I loved you more than you'll know

But I was only a scam for you

This hidden agenda has broke us

My heart already knows what to do

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Sanity

 

Invading the caverns of my brain

Devouring matter considered sane

Hinge of reality now rusted not gold

Fibers worn thin have broken this mold

Realms that echo still claw at me

Existance, survival, thus all tragedy

Feet dragging to pursue the way

Cower amongst society as prey

Vipers await their perfect chance

Life and death intertwined to dance

Pitted, hollow, eventually caved

Once beautiful, now labeled depraved

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Bettie

 

I finally found a friend

Who loves unconditional too

She's shown her true colors

Each is a beautiful hue

 

We have much in common

And to each other we are real

We know when prayer is needed

As kindred spirits we feel

 

God found us for each other

Now she dwells within my heart

And by the grace of God

We shall never be apart

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Tonie

 

In memory of Tonie Marie Ginnery, my precious, little friend.

Born June 6, 1962 and died September 1, 2015 at 53 yrs. old.

 

A pocket full of mischief

 

Our fingers soaked with tears

 

Once, so inseparable

 

Sharing our dreams and fears

 

Confiding deepest secrets

 

Laughing throughout the night

 

My precious little friend

 

With you, my life felt right

 

Who would think that time

 

Could break our bond apart

 

No longer in my sight

 

But forever in my heart

 

I pray you found happiness

 

After all you went through

 

Life gives us no guarantee

 

And so short it was for you

 

One day we will meet again

 

With your horse and my cat

 

Pick up where we left off

 

We always were like that

 

Be patient my dear, Tonie

 

Count the stars, kick the moon

 

Clutch your dream catcher's

 

I'm fixin to be there soon

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



But Thats Life

 

Some lives aren't worth living

 

Some gifts aren't worth giving

 

Some words aren't worth saying

 

Some games aren't worth playing

 

Some bridges aren't worth burning

 

Some pages aren't worth turning

 

Some thoughts aren't worth thinking

 

Some wines aren't worth drinking

 

Some roads aren't worth paving

 

Some families aren't worth saving

 

Some mountains aren't worth moving

 

Some edges aren't worth smoothing

 

Some dreams aren't worth trying

 

Some deals aren't worth buying

 

Some friends aren't worth knowing

 

Some smiles aren't worth showing

 

Some times aren't worth wasting

 

Some pictures aren't worth pasting

 

Some rivers aren't worth crossing

 

Some coins aren't worth tossing

 

Some hands aren't worth shaking

 

Some plans aren't worth making

 

Some people aren't worth caring

 

Some bonds aren't worth sharing

 

                                                          But thats life......

 

©S. Austin Vincoski 

 

      

Waiting

 

 

What is it that I am waiting for

 

I stare at the ceiling, then the floor

 

I stare out the window into the sky

 

Time is the seasons as they go by

 

I listen for voices and someone to see

 

I listen for footsteps to stop for me

 

I hear my own heartbeat in my ears

 

I hear the faint sound of dripping tears

 

I hear the creak of a painful bone

 

I hear the silence of being alone

 

The same four walls are closing me in

 

A room where all days end and begin

 

There is nothing that I am anticipating

 

No, I am just still here and waiting

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Life Is A Puzzle

 

Life is indeed a puzzle

 

Connecting pieces by chance

 

Occasionally pieces are missing

 

Unfortunate circumstance

 

You've turned on the radio

 

They play your favorite song

 

Raining on your outside party

 

The weatherman was wrong

 

You found flea market dishes

 

Like when you were a kid

 

Serving the food you ordered

 

Doesn't look like the menu did

 

If you break it then you buy it

 

This time wasn't your fault

 

The recipe said a cup of sugar

 

Oh, that was a cup of salt

 

First date with your crush

 

Everything has went fine

 

You've overflowed the toilet

 

She's standing next in line

 

You bought a scratch off ticket

 

And won a hundred bucks

 

I ordered goose down pillows

 

They sent me rubber ducks

 

Found the car of your dreams

 

And you can afford this ride

 

That board is way to short

 

Tape measure has a metric side

 

Some pieces will never fit

 

Or you will never find them at all

 

So learn to laugh at this life

 

Whether the puzzle is big or small

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

When I'm Gone

 

Will you be happy

 

Have any regret

 

Just walk away

 

Sorry we met

 

Shed a tear

 

Breath a sigh

 

Have memories

 

Say goodbye

 

Stare at photo's

 

Recite a prayer

 

Save a trinket

 

Pretend you care

 

Say something nice

 

Think something mean

 

Hold your silence

 

Cause a scene

 

Do thoughts linger

 

Am I a flash

 

A moments treasure

 

Your daily trash

 

Feel ashamed

 

Dread this day

 

Pay a tribute

 

Throw me away

 

Sense remorse

 

Justify my end

 

Spit in the wind

 

My name defend

 

Conjure an image

 

Attempt to recall

 

Force a feeling

 

Discard it all

 

None really matters

 

When I'm gone

 

I won't be back

 

Keep moving on

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

The Miracle Of "Me"

 

From the depth of darkness

 

Came this subtle mystery

 

You carried a precious soul

 

That someday I would be

 

In the "Great Book Of Life"

 

I lay unformed upon a page

 

My place already written

 

Well before my earth or age

 

He knit and wove in secret

 

So very intricate each part

 

A special gift he bestowed

 

Unconditional loving heart

 

I happened into this world

 

With tears of joy and pain

 

Count the sand of the seas

 

His whispers, not in vain

 

My creator and my Lord

 

Saved by the cross he bore

 

Someday as I return there

 

He'll know "me" once more

 

 

©S. Austin. Vincoski

 

 

 

 



The Time:

 

The time:  someone was always there

 

The time:  sadly, no one would care

 

The time:  that your troubles were small

 

The time:  you couldn't manage it all

 

The time:  easily you could discern

 

The time:  there was a lesson to learn

 

The time:  getting all you could get

 

The time:  looking back with regret

 

The time:  loving with all your might

 

The time:  crying and alone at night

 

The time:  life had made sense to you

 

The time:  questioning what will I do

 

The time:  all of your friends were great

 

The time:  realization came way to late

 

The time:  a choice was your best guess

 

The time:  spent cleaning up your mess

 

The time:  had come with the guts to try

 

The time:  silently you confess this a lie

 

The time:  discovering this is your place

 

The time:  finding your just another face

 

The time:  with each conquered demand

 

The time:  fragility had taken your hand

 

The time:  settling for life's circumstance

 

The time:  wishing for one more chance

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Me

 

 

How can you "soul search" an empty shell

 

Or portray "happy" while your living in hell

 

They tell me "reach out" someone will care

 

My arms remain open, but no one is there

 

I want to "go home" yearnings still return

 

While this "learning to live" I can't relearn

 

And so "lock me up and throw away the key"

 

Did it really even matter when I'm still "me"

 

Well, the more I slip, then the more I fall

 

I"ve come to realize, I never knew me at all

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Old Man

 

There was this old man in a nursing home

 

In his younger years, the world he did roam

 

Never making time for children or a wife

 

He lived his extravagant, but selfish life

 

Neglecting morality and his good health

 

Life was a party of booze, fame and wealth

 

So soon this lifestyle had come to an end

 

Things became broken, things didn't mend

 

Years of abuse had finally taken there toll

 

His life was spent feeding the devil his soul

 

Now as he lay upon his nursing home bed

 

The reality of his life ran through his head

 

He closed his eyes and then suddenly died

 

No one really cared and no one even cried

 

The body was placed in a simple pine box

 

Put in a hole and covered with dirt and rocks

 

No stone with his name is upon the ground

 

Not a trace of the old man will ever be found

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Things I'll Never Outgrow

 

Pretty stones stored in a jar

 

Searching for a shooting star

 

Catching toads after the rain

 

Old doilies made with tea stain

 

Adorable, stinky puppy breath

 

Spiders scaring me to death

 

Thunderstorms late at night

 

Clearance shoes that fit right

 

Planting flowers in the spring

 

Paper crowns at Burger King

 

Using manners, saying grace

 

Getting pimples on my face

 

Snuggled in bed with my cat

 

Always thinking I'm too fat

 

At the beach collecting shells

 

The way coming home smells

 

Buttons, any color, shape, size

 

Chocolate, a welcome surprise

 

Feeling grass between my toes

 

Having freckles on my nose

 

Burning candles and potpourri

 

Coupons, buy one, get one free

 

Little things, important though

 

For all these, I'll never outgrow

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

A Lie



A strange little girl

 

And so painfully shy

 

Awkward and ugly

 

She knew life as a lie

 

 

Thinking one day

 

Whomever shall I be

 

When once I am grown

 

Then, am I still me

 

 

She outgrew herself

 

And found her a place

 

Giving only her best

 

While running life's race

 

 

Those years all passed

 

The race never won

 

Her best tossed aside

 

Nonetheless, it's done

 

 

A strange little lady

 

And so painfully shy

 

Awkward and ugly

 

She found life as a lie

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 

 

 

 

 

Broken Bond

 

Your name did shine

 

Like the herald star

 

If reading the cast

 

Of my life thus far

 

"She's one of us"

 

You did declare

 

Each one had left

 

You were still there

 

And vowing to me

 

A soul mate found

 

Together we'd stand

 

On mutual ground

 

Now I feel so empty

 

I reach for my friend

 

Weeks, days, hours

 

No message to send

 

A last broken bond

 

I refuse to believe

 

It could never be you

 

Yet, you did just leave

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Clinging

 

My consciousness is drifting

 

Searching for a place to adhere

 

Expecting a profound miracle

 

To alienate life's futile fear

 

I don't comprehend this realm

 

To be plucked from it's clutch

 

Yet we all must suffer in cycles

 

Neither appreciates how much

 

Clinging to this filthy thread

 

I've tolerated societies facade`

 

Cries, hopeless mingled chaos

 

None listened or thought it odd

 

I lose my grasp and I'm slipping

 

Into this abyss claimed release

 

Is this what I had so longed for

 

Is this where I may find peace

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Dear Lord

 

Dear Lord please give me strength

 

When my dreams may fall apart

 

Dear Lord please give me sincerity

 

So that I may humble my heart

 

Dear Lord please give me wisdom

 

When the answer can't be found

 

Dear Lord please give me faith

 

That my prayers are heaven bound

 

Dear Lord please give me peace

 

From the chaos and disarray

 

Dear Lord please give me guidance

 

Whenever I should go astray

 

Dear Lord please give me courage

 

To do your will and not my own

 

Dear Lord please give me comfort

 

When I feel lost and all alone

 

Dear Lord please give me kindness

 

To make my enemy now my friend

 

Dear Lord please give me hope

 

When a suffering has no end

 

Dear Lord please give me patience

 

That I regain my self control

 

Dear Lord please give me mercy

 

I beg you save my retched soul

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Crazy

It's pretty wallpaper in my room

At times I watch it's flowers bloom

I won't eat canned food anymore

The metal has made my mouth sore

Clear is my favorite color today

They sell it in cans that you spray

I hear voices that call me at night

But they never get my name right

My plants need water just like me

Well, they never have to go pee

They tell me I'm out of my mind

We parted ways, it left me behind

©S. Austin Vincoski

The Grooming

 

The fairytales

 

And fables told

 

Entice a child

 

Dreams unfold

 

Whisper kindly

 

Take my hand

 

Footsteps quickly

 

I understand

 

We must hide

 

No longer me

 

With the fairy

 

Flying free

 

All liars lie

 

Tears like rain

 

My innocence

 

An ugly stain

 

Perfect grooming

 

Sweet, sincere

 

Broken promise

 

Love trumphs fear

 

Cycles, circles

 

Changing theme

 

Hands of dread

 

Found my scream

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

You Knew

 

We sailed Queen Elizabeth to leave England behind

After mother died, we had never crossed their mind

 

I went to Francis Parker School number twenty three

For six and a half years it both taught and tortured me

 

I lived in a cement house at twenty eight Harper street

All the neighbor's admitted they had heard us get beat

 

In the trunk of his Ford, my Dad's gold Gran Torino

Was my life packed in a box and no where for us to go

 

We drove to Helen's house one stormy Christmas Eve

But she said we ruined their plans and told us to leave

 

A orange pillow and yellow blanket, Stop-N-Save sold

Without any heat or beds, that floor was freezing cold

 

She ran to the Drop In Center to get us some spaghetti

My sister with her bowl were late. They ate it already

 

We lived at the Flamingo Motel with a swimming pool

It was really lonely there and I didn't ever go to school

 

My brother was in the Army. He came to visit at last

He took me to Hamot Hospital to get my leg in a cast

 

I asked Gary if I was his girlfriend, but he said "maybe"

Then I went to Gullifer's foster home to have my baby

 

You called me a liar and guilt buried the truth for you

Yet I had survived it knowing all along that you knew

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



It Was Never About:

 

It was never about the

 

Ugly words I left on a page

 

It was never about the

 

Insane, chaos of our age

 

It was never about the

 

Reasons for inflicted pains

 

It was never about the

 

Who cowers or who reigns

 

It was never about the

 

Being the bad seed sown

 

It was never about the

 

Repeating it when grown

 

It was never about the

 

Severing the family tree

 

It was never about the

 

Curse it has come to be

 

It was never about the

 

Rotten deeds been done

 

It was never about the

 

Feeling your the only one

 

It was never about the

 

Distance that you chose

 

It was never about the

 

Choice to be one of those

 

It was never about the

 

Cheating, deceit and lies

 

It was never about the

 

Unsaid hello's or goodbyes

 

But it was all about the

 

Loving you, but only to learn

 

What I've written is true

 

I'll never be loved in return

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



Mom

 

It's Mother's Day

And your not here

Yet, I still cry

For you each year

I was so small

When you died

You left no trace

As if you'd lied

I'm older now

A truth was found

No longer hidden

Deep in the ground

I accepted it

Though ugly and sad

I wasn't wanted

By you nor Dad

The damage done

I have moved on

Loving you both

Greiving your gone

You gave me life

Only you know why

I can't thank you

Or say, goodbye

Your part of me

I won't forsake

Dwelling on this

My heart will break

The tears will flow

So many  secrets

That now I know

Wherever you are

My love is there

Your still my "Mom"

This cross we bear

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Lost

 

Gracious indeed, had I been stillborn

 

Inherit a life already tattered and torn

 

Mere lonliness can't depict all alone

 

For a desolate cry or solitary groan

 

Memories echo this circle of despair

 

Left shreds of good done while there

 

Abolish hope for tomorrow's benign

 

Beginning nor ending, it wasn't mine

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

ight

 

this futile fight

 

ends here tonight

 

it wasn't right

 

a begger's plight

 

sickened and slight

 

infused with fright

 

devoid of might

 

dream denied flight

 

until this light

 

width abound height

 

became so bright

 

holding me tight

 

bestowed me sight

 

i knew delight

 

all is alright

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

VIRTUE

 

AN INERT BIRTH OF DESPAIR AND TORMENT

 

BETRAYL AND REJECTION SEALED IN CEMENT

 

SOVERIENTY TOOK FRAUDULENT CONTROL

 

TARNISHED AND PITTED THIS INFANTILE SOUL

 

EXCAVATE IT'S HEART TO SUBDUE AND DEFILE

 

TYRANNY BY MASSES CONFINE AND BEGUILE

 

CONTRIVED A PREMISE AND SO INSTILLED

 

LEFT DIRE, MALICIOUS ACTS TO BE WILLED

 

REVERENCE OF VIRTUE GAVE HER CONVICTION

 

THUS TERMINATED THIS VISCIOUS AFFLICTION

 

A MALEVOLENT NATURE WOULD NOT ACCRUE

 

DECEASED TO AFFIRM HER INGEGRITY TRUE

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 

 



Entitled

 

Your family rejoiced

The day you arrived

Such pure perfection

Was never deprived

From your pedestal

You always reigned

Instilled with power

So dirty, so stained

Not any compassion

Nor hint of remorse

Just use then dispose

Formality, of course

You may act entitled

To his view, the elite

Instructed to line up

At your meet an greet

One glimpse, I knew

What a fake pious life

Greedy, spoiled bratt

Playing a trophy wife                                                   

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 

 



Afar

 

Bittersweet mourning seeps through my soul

 

Live puddles form wherever you've stepped

 

Trudging over each with indignant control

 

Brokeness flows with these vain tears wept

 

 

 

Emptiness emerged and remained unrestored

 

Flashes of me infused the memories we are

 

Sanity ripped out my heart till love poured

 

Screaming a whisper to love only from afar

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Grace

                                                                                                                      

I envision the cross

 

And you crucified

 

When to Our Father

 

At last you cried

 

The heaven's opened

 

For grace to descend

 

Mans sinful nature

 

Had no means to end

 

So many you healed

 

You saved and you fed

 

Casting out demons

 

You taught and you led

 

Righteous and perfect

 

Abandoned by all

 

And yet you'd known

 

This fate would befall

 

God so loved us

 

Before time began

 

You were born to die

 

For the sins of man

 

Never was anyone

 

To take your place

 

Crucified until death

 

We inherit such grace

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Free

You turned the key

To unlock the door

The room was bare

So I sat on the floor

I waited and waited

No one ever came

Then panic began

This wasn't a game

It became so dark

Shivering, its cold

Reality found me

A truth to behold

Quiet me forever

You lock me away

I kicked, I clawed

I've refused to stay

The walls caved in

Forever I am free

I will tell the world

You had abused me

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Fire

I had quite alot I needed to burn

 

Gathering sticks I built me a fire

 

This heart load of old memories

 

Each tossed, flames grew higher

 

I cried, they'd been there so long

 

Let it go or cling to nothingness

 

For every one that I'd thrown in

 

Not a one could have cared less

 

After awhile I had only a flame

 

And then barely even an ember

 

A dirty fire had cleaned me out

 

Of all I didn't want to remember

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 

 

 

 



Princess

Satin sheets and raspberry wine

The simple life would never do

His beautiful princess so divine

Can never will her heart to you

 

The royal castle made of stone

Surrounded with gates of gold

But all leave the princess alone

For the king's emotion is cold

 

So each night the princess cries

Life arranged by the king's rule

And something inside her dies

For years she's played his fool

 

The king's heart had failed him

His princess lives out each day

Her fairytale ending now grim

Love must never come her way

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Death's Embrace

(Dec. 3, 1991)

No smile will again crease the lips

The soul has withered with defeat

A heart beat and strained till silent

Deaths scent was strong and sweet

Mind ceased all means of searching

No function, no response to flee

Every memory was once so sacred

Now vile like venom clings to thee

Pure and peaceful this eternal sleep

Mercy has cast this indelible sign

Prayers answered, never to wake

It's shadow's swarm and intertwine

With a last sigh the spirits rejoice

Beckoning to their angelic place

The life that died and lives again

Enters unknown realms of space

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tale That Never Ends

Not bruises for "show and tell"

Gasoline has a very nice smell

Stomped every sidewalk crack

Borrow means, you give it back

Some freckles are devil spots

Planting weeds in flower pots

My favorite number is eleven

Why do the stars go to heaven

Old music can play in my head

Hold my breath, fake I'm dead

You swallow soap when you lie

Grandma didn't tell me goodbye

Bedtime is still at seven thirty

I get cookies, but I feel dirty

Maggots are in the frying pan

Watch me fly like superman

Kids at school are always clean

Now we live in a car, it's green

I cried because I miss my cat

Everybody says "your a bratt"

But God still loves me anyhow

My remembering is leaving now

 

©S. Austin Vincoski 



Wall Of Shame

I put the writing on my bedroom wall

It's big enough for all of you to read

Not even one of you will take the time

Because everyone of you knew my need

 

Please, please don't ever abandon me

That's all I had asked of any of you

Then you all turned so horribly mean

So I left just like you expected me to

 

All the others I thought were my friends

One by one I watched you walk away

You pretend you don't know me anymore

All those years, you have nothing to say

 

You treated me like this was all my fault

Though you never knew my body or mind

I begged, I pleaded, I poured out my heart

In the end, in your way, you left me behind

 

It's all there written on my bedroom wall

I have described each part and who I blame

You'll call me crazy because I wrote it

But I chose to call it "your wall of shame"

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

This Tale

Razor blades in my apple pie

 

Dandelions cover my yard

 

The looser in first place, I am

 

God mailed me a sympathy card

 

Eating the flies on the window

 

Squirting super glue in my shoes

 

Playing hide and seek all alone

 

My can is all bolts and no screws

 

Bricks weigh my life jacket down

 

Noodle necklaces always break

 

I collect "fallout shelter" signs

 

Draino works if my head will ache

 

I was born at the "lost and found"

 

It's fiftyfour carved exes for me

 

Planting all my pennies in the dirt

 

Didn't never grow no money tree

 

Lived, is devil only backwards

 

Santa and fairytales aren't real

 

Paranoia is for your protection

 

She caught me with a potato peel

 

I had a sister and a brother once

 

Wal Mart has UFO's now for sale

 

The leather belts an wooden spoons

 

Please, try to understand this tale

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



When I Return To Heaven

When I return to heaven

 

Jesus will welcome me

 

He'll say "you are home"

 

For all of eternity

 

 

 

He'll hold me like a babe

 

Show me every tear I cried

 

Unravel my life's mystery

 

From my birth until I died

 

 

 

He knows how I love him

 

And his death not in vain

 

From this moment in time

 

No former things remain

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

Stronger

 The tower fell

 

Pieces scattered

 

Must not dwell

 

Find what mattered

 

 

 

Search the rubble

 

Until you've found

 

Through this trouble

 

A piece of ground

 

 

 

Lay the beam

 

Gather the stone

 

Rebuild the dream

 

Make it your own

 

 

 

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

The Way It Is

You have no right treating people this way

Think a minute, this might be you someday

Do this, do that, now go and wait over there

Read all these forms, sit down in that chair

This is the wrong form, go stand in the line

Here's a clipboard, now make sure you sign

Bring the documents and proof of income

We'll mail the results after you pay this sum

That's not on sale it was on the wrong rack

This coupon's invalid, there's no cash back

This warranty will no longer cover this part

There is no date for your coverage to start

It's a mandatory tax on this withholding fee

Each time I'm on hold, you disconnect me

Your timing and quota have never been met

So this signed agreement incurred this debt

Download a manual for further instructions

My entire raise went to payroll deductions

My credit was declined for inadequate use

You denied my voucher from others abuse

This medical insurance won't cover this test

A discount of two percent, you pay the rest

That's the way it is, they don't seem to care

Who is there to fight just to make it all fair

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



Depression

Time to take another pill

A piece of me floats away

I'm not quite numb though

Yes, I still have alot to say

 

Depression is a nightmare

Of which you cannot wake

Like a demon, it possesses

There's little it won't take

 

It sneaks up inside of you

Stealing all that you were

Ability to function is gone

Your former life is a blur

 

It laughs and it mocks you

Degrades you with shame

All that you once used to be

Now will never be the same

 

You must reach out for help

They convince you your ill

Depression is your disease

The cure is to take this pill

 

The doctor added one more

You don't feel any better yet

Side effects have just begun

How easy this stage was set

 

Let us try a brand new drug

You don't feel undepressed

However, you are so relaxed

Finally, your mind can rest

 

It's so easy giving into them

They have complete control

In order to quiet this demon

They will take over your soul

 

Slipping in one more tiny pill

It can't matter if you don't care

Total numbness awaiting you

In fact, your so close to there

 

They have claimed the victory

You have succumbed to numb

Killing the part of your brain

Emotions or demons are from

 

If you'd fought this by yourself

The battle waging in your head

Would the outcome be different

Either way, you'd still be dead

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

   

 

 

 

 

 



Long Ago

Your long ago and so far away

But these tears are still from you

Tonight I'm sitting here all alone

And I wonder if your lonely too

 

You know you stole a part of me

That had never been yours to take

I loved you and then I hated you

Not only my heart would break

 

Why couldn't I be all you wanted

So quickly you left and moved on

Did you even know what love was

You and a part of me were gone

 

Did you learn of love and find it

Or just repeat what you had done

I wish my mind would erase you

But your there as I look at my son

 

©S. Austin Vincoski



My Child

My body created your life

And dear God I loved you so

I brought you into this world

This miracle I would know

So softly I spoke your name

And caressed your tiny face

Laying you across my chest

You recogenized this place

Our hearts had beat together

I drank in the scent of you

Learning to discern your cry

I did all that mommies do

These days it's me who cries

Each a lonely, yearning tear

Cherishing thought's of you

While you forgot I am here

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

A Crack In Heaven

 

From a crack in heaven

 

Our souls slipped thru

 

The angel's let us fall

 

God, we cried for you

 

Swirling in this circle

 

No place found to stay

 

All searching for home

 

God, your so far away

 

I saw your book of life

 

Our page perfectly clear

 

No lives for us written

 

Souls abandoned here

 

©S. Austin Vincoski

 



My Side Of The Story

Labeled a stray and not heaven sent

Cowering inside your locked cage

Eight appeared with cruel intent

Nine, their leader, instigated rage

A family curse and carnage's bain

In your way, you each took a turn

Laughing, you minimized my pain

Screaming until my lungs would burn

Your perfect offspring breathed a sigh

Labeled me poison and all ran away

Society also turned their blind eye

Stepping over me silently as I lay

Maternal dead and paternal pretend

The other three relieved I was gone

Knowing the story, no matter the end

Their only blood, but all carried on

Siblings abused and practiced skill

Empty, I'm not anyone's anything

Dragging my life behind me uphill

Devoid of use, it's memories I bring

Craving a feeling so foreign to me

Love, a language I'd never heard

Horrendous acts committed to see

If I could hear that one sacred word

Love, three times found it's place

Inspired, I could nurture my own

Seeking freedom, all spit in my face

The world called, they were grown

Each found a future and their mate

Denied a part in the families they are

Longing imbued this fragile state

Seeing and feeling, always from afar

Empowering what is right and good

Validates from that moment of birth

Expected to be the person I should

As everyone stole my sense of worth

Abandoned, silence wrapped in chaos

Righteous with no regret displayed

Summed the total and all is a loss

They won as "unlovable" was made

Nightmares haunt the light of day

Tears soak the pillow when it's night

I run from myself and nowhere to stay

My side of the story, an endless plight

 

©S. Austin Vincoski 

 

 



Mad

We'd always been so close

Together through so much

So I cried while you packed

You said you'd be in touch

 

I believed what you told me

As we had never been apart

But on the day that you left

I just knew deep in my heart

 

Things had changed for us

It would never be the same

You left me so far behind

And even forgot my name

 

The ties that would bind us

Are broken now for good

There is no turning back

No, not even if we could

 

You have a wonderful life

With things you'd never had

I to,  should be moving on

But I'm still so f_____g mad

 

©S. Austin Vincoski